PTSD Jokes
Signs you are experiencing PTSD:
Symptoms include, but are not limited to...

1. Overwhelming urge to strangle any person who suggests that you should stop wallowing in the past.
2. You fear that nothing really exists unless you kick it really hard.
3. Compulsion to kiss the ground beneath anyone who mentions the word, "survivor."
4. Total familiarity with the concept that your mind exists separately from your body, and who knows where your emotions have gone, or the other way around.
5. Your friends accuse you of being antisocial because instead of socializing, you are spending your time contemplating either, bombing your therapist's office, bombing your family home, bombing your county mental health building, bombing your local social service agency, or trying to solve puzzles that open portals to Hell, you scream, "NO! I'm not being antisocial, I'm being obsessive-compulsive! If I were being antisocial, I'd beat the crap out of you right now..."
6. Your future is canceled out, deactivated and corrupted by your past. Your past can also corrupt the futures of others and should be recalled to prevent any further corruption.
7. You play with dolls and stuffed animals to recreate the childhood that got corrupted by your past which you cannot let go of, and which continues to corrupt your play.
8. You stop to think and then forget to start again.
9. You always assume that your gut feeling is wrong, even though you just knew that sign saying, "DANGER MINE FIELD AHEAD" was something you should have paid attention to.
10. You assume your friends hate you when they don't smile at you, or when they do smile at you, or when they sleep or when they wake.
11. You avoid hating yourself in the morning by sleeping until noon.
12. Your main purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
13. "Triggers", "Flashbacks", "Survivors", "Perps" and "Therps" have become the predominate words in your vocabulary
14. You use self help books as walls and dividers and room partitions. You also use "The Courage To Heal" as a paper weight.

This disorder may be caused by one or more of the following...

1. Having to reason with people who are totally out of contact with reality - e.g., family members, psychiatrists, social workers, just about any mental health practitioner, employers or anyone in a position of unquestioned authority.
2. Being born female.
3. Being born male, but you were treated like a female.
4. An average of 3 hours sleep per night.
5. A steady diet of either no food, only comfort food or fast food when all of a sudden you realize you are starving and haven't eaten between flashbacks.
6. Your parent's belief that dysfunction and corruption within the family would not have a disasterous effect on their children and that through denial they could pretend that you didn't exist, and through lack of protection, you would learn how to fend for yourself.