- Know that you have a right to feel angry. Allow yourself the space
to feel it and act on it.
- Evaluate the extent of your anger. How angry are you? Are you
enraged, furious or mildly angry? What made you angry? How would you
like things to be different?
- Decide what you will do. Is it worth it to act on your anger or
should you let it pass. Do you need to express it directly or vent it
indirectly? Do you need to get out of a situation that is constantly
making you angry or is it better to confront it? Which approach will
you use; Self assertion, confrontation, self defense, indirect
aggression such as beating a pillow, political action, direct
aggression or aggressive self defense (only to be used in extreme or
life threatening situations). Use the most diplomatic approach first
- Assert yourself. Own your anger by expressing it with"I"
statements: "I really get mad when you leave dirty dishes in the
sink." "I feel invisible when you ignore my communication needs."
Express what you need. Express what you think might help remedy the
situation. Use the sandwich approach (warning - this approach can seem
confusing, insulting or insincere if your complaint is not made
clear)ie: First compliment, then make a complaint, finally, express
appreciation with another compliment for taking the time to listen or
remedying the situation. "You are really considerate most of the time,
but right now I am frustrated because I think you took
advantage of my kindness. I prefer you to ask me first before inviting
hearing friends over and expecting me to be socially available and
help clean up their mess."
- Listen. Stay open. Allow yourself to know and understand what is
being communicated before you respond with anger. Get as much
information as you can. Avoid jumping to conclusions, making snap
judgments or false accusations.
- When your anger does not go away, confide in others. Talk to close
friends about it. Choose a confidant.
- Vent your anger by doing something physical. Ride a bike. Take a
walk. Get some fresh air. Scream into a pillow... Go dancing, running
or swimming. Take a self-defense class. (Some classes provide
- Have compassion for your angry self. Learn positive self talk.
Imagine gentle, loving hands talking to you from inside your heart, or
imagine a soothing inner voice. Practice being gentle with yourself
- Give yourself space. Distract yourself. Distance yourself from the
things that make you feel angry. Get away temporarily until you calm
- After you have expressed your anger, allow yourself to calm down
with meditation, a hot bath, yoga, deep breathing, candles, hot tea or
- Develop empathy. Put yourself in the other person's position.
- Be nonjudgmental.
- Laugh about it.
- Be trusting.
- Be tolerant.
- Be forgiving. Start with small things.
- Be an activist. Advocate for positive changes that you believe in.
- Take on a community service.
- Care for a pet.
- Congratulate yourself for handling your anger in the best possible